ON BLIND -DATE SHOW
During recent years ,the topic of date show ,which has aroused the public attention ,（此处最好加上逗号前面which引导的句子为非限制性定语从句） is becoming more and more popular. Undoubtedly（大写） ,date ,which is an(粗心） indispensable part for the development of the love,has a profound impact on both individuals and society.
Date,rather than anything else,plays an important role in the growth of the love
.when you arrived the age that you should get married,your parents must let you
have a date（此处have a date改为go dating较好） or attend a date show,in order to have a lover. Moreover ,you have to execute the order.
It is crucial for us to have a clean and definite knowledge of the date show. There
are old saying "it's yours ,it always yours ".（前一句话可改为According to an old saying，"it's yours ,it always yours ".） From(lz打错了吧，囧） my point of view ,I think that , the love is development for the time ,not the blind-show.（最后一句个人认为意思上有点问题，我给你修改补充了一下—— From my point of view,beautiful love is like beauteous lyrics, which can never expect to meet, but often comes to you in every unexpected moment. Maybe, the love will come along with one casual day not in the way of date shows. So as time goes by, you will find that it's the contingency that the charm of love resides in. Also ,you will find that blind date shows will just lead to the slaying of the beauty of love.)
lz还可以适当加一些比较吸引人眼球的短语或句型给自己的文章增色加分，老师们最喜欢这招了~~~~
During recent years ,the topic of date show ,which has aroused the public attention is becoming more and more popular改为：
During recent years ,the topic of date show ,is becoming more and more popular，which has aroused the public attention
has a profound impact on both individuals and society.
不能单独依据，要有引导，改为：
It has a profound impact on both individuals and society.
There are old saying改为：
There is an old saying
Form my point of view 中的form，应该是from吧
t think that 去掉that
the love is development for the time改为：
the love is developed from the time
文章写得还不错，保守给你100分，不会低于100分的。
整体来说这篇文章还是观点鲜明，连接词也永德恰到好处，错误不多，如果是考试的话，应该能拿高分的！
ON BLIND -DATE SHOW
During recent years, the topic of date show ,which has aroused the public’s attention, is becoming more and more popular. Undoubtedly ,date ,which is a indispensable part for the development of love, has a profound impact on both individuals and society.
Date, rather than anything else, plays an important role in the growth of the love. When you reached the age of marriage, your parents will let you have a date or attend a date show, in order to have a lover. Moreover, you have to execute the order.
It is crucial for us to have a clean and definite knowledge of the date show. There is an old saying "It will belong to you ultimately if it really does ".
Form my point of view, I think that, the love is development for the time ,not the blind-show.
which is a indispensable part =which is an indispensable part
My Viewpoint On A Date Show
A Date show ,which has aroused the public attention over the recent years, is becoming more and more popular. Whatever TV channel we turn on,we can always see it.Many boys and girls find their lovers by attending a date show.It is true that a date show can create a chance for the young to know each other and even become a new couple.
Why do so many youngsters join in a date show?The reasons are as follow.First of all,it's a new kind of dating which is regarded fashionable.Second,in today's competive society,many boys and girls have less time and energy to care about their dating and marriage.They prefer date shows,which can offer them a quick dating.
We have to admit that a date show has provided a new opportunity for the young to date.It has succeeded in creating hundreds of new couples.However,it leads to some problems.As is known to us,real love calls for a long-time test.It takes a boy and a girl quite a long time to know each other and then decide whether they can become lovers.But a date show can't offer such a condition.It just give the two a few minutes On the other hand,some bad men and women cheat in date shows.They have been married but pretend not to be and attend a date show.which would hurt the feelings of the other party.
To my mind,each coin has its two sides,and a date show is without exception.As a new kind of dating,it should be encouraged.
（你的文章显得有点凌乱，不好修改。我干脆自己帮你写了一篇，供你参考。祝你进步！）
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