英语翻译 ，汉译英，急！！！

上面两人的翻译太过生硬了，我的翻译如下：In school, the students love the class solidarity, for many years as a literary member of many organizations, planning and medium-sized variety show, more skilled on the light and sound adjustment; branch in the University of Mission held personal computer won third prize in the competition ring tones; University working in a bar during the amateur, the highest post office counter, Minister of bar manager, with excellent team management experience and ability; on the bartender and the hotel management business passion, hope to have a bright future in this area.

During school time,I adore my class & have my classmates united,being an literary & art operator for many years,have organized and planned mega & medium literary & art soirees for many times,quite familiar with the adjustment of stage lighting & acoustics;have won third place in the computer ringtone competition held by Communist Youth League branch in the university;held a part time job in a bar when I was in university,the toppest position held is bar counter executive & bar manager,I have excellent managing experience as well as team work ability;have full passion for mixology career and hotel management,hope I can make a difference in this field.

During my academic years, I showed great passion for my class, I have been getting along well with my classmates, I committed myself as chief of entertainment, I have organized several large and medium size galaz, I am very skilled in adjusting light and sound; I once won a Grade Three Award in a computer-aide cellphone tone design contest sponsered by the university CYL branch; I once worked parttime in the bar, chief of bar department and bar manager, I had great experiences of management and teamspirit; I have great passion for hotel business and hotel management, to which I hooe I can give a full play.

During school, class, unite classmates, many organizations as the art of planning and literature evening party, lighting sound regulation is skilled, In university held at the computer league awarded prizes personally, I work in the bar, the highest position as part-time bar minister and bar manager, has good management experience and teamwork ability, Stir in business and hotel management, passionate, hope to be in this field is as.